PEOPLE: ; Survivors of suicide need support from loved ones

When Debbie Cardwell's daughter Amber committed suicide May 12,2008, Cardwell not only grieved over the loss of a child, but theloss of support from family and friends.

"People just don't know what to say. No one would talk about itwith me. There's an assumption that we're ashamed, but we're not,"Cardwell said. "Shame is not what I feel - it's grief, just like anyother parent who loses a child."

Cardwell, of Charleston, responded by founding Messages For Hope,an organization dedicated to providing "postvention" support tofriends and family members who have lost loved ones to suicide.

The outreach program works to build awareness about suicideprevention and intervention while inspiring hope and encouraginghealing for "suicide survivors."

Cardwell said after the loss of her daughter she found herselfsearching on the Internet for grief support groups because thoseclosest to her didn't feel comfortable or often felt guilty talkingabout her daughter's death.

"I literally couldn't talk to anyone about Amber. I becameisolated. I researched everything I could. I was grieving the lossof my friends, too," Cardwell said. "People are afraid they're goingto upset you if they bring it up, but there's no way they canpossibly make you feel worse than you already do after such a loss."

She founded the program to prevent other grievers from goingthrough the same struggle.

Messages For Hope hosts memory walks, assembles peer groups forgrief support and works to build awareness throughout the state byproviding public agencies, such as schools, with informationalmaterial.

"Suicides are unique in many ways, so the grieving processes arealways different," Cardwell said. "Mental illness is oftenmistakenly viewed as a weakness, and that can make it harder forpeople to recover."

Cardwell said the group works to fight the stigma associated withmental illness and further educate the public on treatment optionsfor depression. Her daughter, Amber, who died when she was 29, wasdiagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder as a child,but Cardwell believes she also suffered from bipolar disorder,though it was never officially diagnosed.

"She needed medication but wouldn't take it. Despite constantfamily encouragement, she refused to take it," Cardwell said. "Asdevastated as we were when she passed away, we weren't surprised.She always seemed like a lost soul."

Cardwell strives to promote the benefit of medications andcounseling offered to those struggling with mental illness.

"If you have a mental illness, you should seek medical attention.Depression can continue to get worse," Cardwell said. "We're tryingto teach the public that it's OK, and we need to talk about it."

The next Messages For Hope Prevention Walk will be Sept. 10 atPullman Square, in Huntington. Registration begins at 10 a.m.

The one-mile memory walk is made by friends and families ofsuicide victims to raise awareness of mental illness, but it mainlyacts as a time of remembrance, Cardwell said.

"It's an event for survivors of a suicide loss to come togetherand honor those they've lost. The walk comes second to that,"Cardwell said. "Most of our time is spent around the memory tableswith photographs of loved ones. We don't usually have an opportunityto talk about it, so this is a time for us to laugh, cry and justdiscuss things without that stigma."

For more information, visit www.messagesfor hope.com.

Courtesy photos Debbie Cardwell speaks at a Messages For Hopewalk. Messages For Hope provides support to friends and family whohave lost loved ones to suicide. Cardwells daughter committedsuicide in 2008.

Amber was a beautiful, intelligent, fun-loving girl who loved herfriends, family and children, Cardwell says about her daughter.

Contact Mackenzie Mays at mackenize.mays@wvgazette.com.